Sunday, August 24, 2014

My Dreaded Journey....

Just over two months ago I embarked on a new adventure. An adventure that I had longed to take since I was a wee child. If you've read my'll know I planned on dreading my hair. 43 years of age I decided I had waited long enough to do the things I wanted to do. It took approximately 13 hours to do my whole head and was broken down into 3 visits. This is me after my first visit.
Just the bottom was done and the top of my head was still all straight hair. Man....that was difficult keeping the straight hair from the tangled hair. I went through many different feelings. Nervous that I would sit through this entire process and then HATE IT. I was scared that I would miss my lovely long shiny hair......and sometimes I do but I can honestly say after two months I am in love with my locs. This has become a journey for me. I know that sounds ridiculous. It's hair for crying out loud. However in a sense it's like a transformation.....a metamorphosis. I have wanted this for so long and for so many reasons I was not allowed to. I decided that no one but me should have the power to make such decisions and through this I am finding "Kelly". The person I think I always was on the inside but sadly, a watered down version of her to please everyone else. After my second sitting I was even more scared. It felt looked weird....and how on earth would I figure out how to manage my new hair????
That's just it, I had to learn to leave it alone and TRUST IN THE PROCESS. If you know me, you know patience is NOT one of my strong suits. Annnnnnd not being able to manipulate my new found locs was surely going to drive me INSANE. [short trip I know] The other thing that would drive me insane was not washing my hair. Why on earth do people think you suddenly stop washing your hair??? I understand they are baby dreads and we want them to stay in but I ask you this.......what tangles better.....greasy oily hair or freshly washed hair with no conditioner??? Clean unconditioned hair wins hands down. I'm sure I may get flamed by many a dread head but meh.....who cares. I am letting my hair knot up naturally. No products are in these dreads. Sure it may take me longer but I'll get there, all we have is time. This is about me and my journey. People can tread your path with you one can walk it for you. Do what makes you happy. When my hair was finally completed I was exhausted because it was 1am and I had to open the store in the morning. My head looked like I had stuck my finger in a light socket. SCARY. However I was too dog tired to worry about it and I fell into bed and slipped off into dreamland. The first few weeks were interesting. My hair did some funky things. Some days it stuck out all over. Other days it was flat. Extra frizzy on humid days but all in all. I loved it. This is me at work a few days after my hair was completed.
Yes, you are seeing that right. I wear a lab coat on a daily basis. I am a Natural Health Consultant. That's right. People entrust me with their health and wellness. I wondered if I would get treated differently because of the stigma that comes with dreads but I am happy to announce that I have not had a single bad thing said to me. Oops.....that's not entirely true. After an entire year of radio silence from my ex husband low and behold he made contact. His first words spoken to me were your hair doesn't look very good. LOL Well Sweetheart......your opinion stopped counting a long time ago. Other than that I have had nothing but compliments from young and old alike. I have not gone a single day without someone saying they suit me....they love them....can they touch them.....and my favourite is, I've always wanted to get dreads but I never had the courage to do it. I love that one because I know EXACTLY how they felt. My boyfriends reaction was the best. He hadn't seen my hair done. We had had a small disagreement via text late at night and I was just in that kind of mood. I jumped up out of my bed, into my truck, flew over to his house and barged thru his door like a bull. I musta looked wild. Hair everywhere.....probably something like this....

Half way through our "rational adult discussion" he smiled and said in his very calm demeanor "your hair is finished". He grabbed a hold of my thick locs....wrapped his hand up in it.....pulled me in close and planted a big kiss on me. Argument came to a screeching halt. **grins** Gawd I love that man. Did I mention I love that man???

My dreads continue to have a mind of their own. They are knotting up nicely. Still a long way from maturity [kinda like their owner]. I get bumps and lumps, kinks and congos starting. [congos are when two dreads start dreading together] I just rip them apart and carry on my merry way. Everyday brings something new. They especially show off my new WHITE HAIR!!!! WTF. No one warned me of this. Apparently they can't look too bad because while back to school shopping with my teenage daughter, I had a very young man hit on me.....not once but twice. My daughter shows no mercy. In her very sarcastic tone she asked the young man....How's that working for ya. LOLOLOLOLOL He announced that he was striking out all over in regards to her Mom. I was flattered and it stroked my ego nicely. This week I go back to my friend to get my babies cleaned up a bit. I have a lot of stray hair and some joining together in the back that I can't quite reach. I look forward to all their stages. I feel like as they are change...I am changing. I know.....I know...ridiculous but it's the truth. My true self is emerging. I think I'll be a cool old crone. Signing off for now. ~kelly

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Not a Modified Kelly.....just Kelly.

So here I almost 44 years old and I'm taking the plunge. Becoming UNMODIFIED, literally. I have not a stitch of makeup on but I am showing off my tattooed eyebrows. I'm tired of being some modified watered down version of Kelly to appease everyone but me. Funny I used that word.....modified. People probably think I want to modify when really....I just want to be me. I have been pondering something for a long time. Actually I've been pondering it since I was eight years old. (Confirmed that with my sis last night). Since as long as I can remember I've been fascinated by dreads. I've always wanted them. I think they are absolutely gorgeous. Ever since I saw that beautiful boy on the beach while on the only family vacation I think we ever took. There he was.....sun kissed golden hair in dreads.
He was a surfer boy dream boat and I was in awe. Definitely something this back woods hippy farm girl had never seen before. Running barefoot on the beach without a care in the world. He was a beautiful sight. I had short hair at the time...thanks to a perm gone wrong. I told my Mom that I wanted that hair. Needless to say my Mother forbid it. I think her words were something might as well stop brushing your hair and look like a ragamuffin. Deep sigh.....but my heart soared when I thought about it. Or maybe it soared because I thought this boy was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. It was more than that. It wasn't how he was how he WAS. He was carefree....happy....FREE. Oddly....I don't even remember his name. Isn't that weird that someone can have such a profound affect on you but you can't remember their name??

Life resumed. I went thru many stages of life. Maybe I've done the Maiden and Mother stage and while embarking on my Crone stage.....
I no longer give a shit what the rest of the world thinks. I like who I am and for the most part I am comfortable in my own skin. I'm tired of Someone or something always saying can't. Life is too damn short to listen or care to what others think or dictate. If it makes you happy DO IT!!! No one else is responsible for your happiness BUT YOU!! The last couple years everyone said.....DON'T SPACE YOUR EARS!!! That's gross. DON'T TATTOO YOUR EYEBROWS!!! You'll look hideous. AND DON'T DREAD YOUR HAIR....they smell and are disgusting!!! Perhaps I'm going through a midlife rebellion because the words NO and DON'T are like my new GO buttons. LOL
So I dreaded the front of my hair. (No....I didn't take a picture. I forgot) I went to my friends place and she was like OMG it's so you!! Wild and untameable!!! I went to work and my boss wanted to dress me up in toga for our Greece promotion. My boyfriend......well....he ummmmm.....he really liked it. I think his words were....I think they are sexy. No need to say anything more. Gawd I love him. So why have I decided to dread my hair?? Because it's who I am. I have always been that unorthodox, eccentric girl. And if it turns out I hate's only HAIR!!!!

So this Sunday I am having my hair dreaded by a sweet girl named Bailey. I met her when I spaced my ears a couple years back. I am nervous and excited at the same time. Remember that feeling?? The feeling of butterflies in the tummy?? I think as we get older we tend to forget that feeling. Actually I think we get old because we stop doing the things that give us that feeling. Life is short so go and LIVE IT. Do what makes you happy......I guarantee you won't regret it.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

What I've Learned In My 43 Years....

Sooooo....this is me, sitting here looking at that cursor blinking on my computer screen. I have so many things that I want to share but don't know where to start. This weekend is my 43rd birthday. Where did that time go?? I'm still trying to decide what I wanna be when I grow up. LOL

The last few years have been horrible. I have tripped and fallen....been battered and beaten. Defeated. Actually broken....heart broken. Somehow tho, in the midst of my whole world falling apart...somehow it was falling into place. I picked myself back up...dusted myself off and soldiered on. I can honestly say I am proud. Against all odds....I succeeded. I don't have the perfect life but I have a great family....solid friends and the best daughter one could ever ask for. I have a roof over my head. Food in my belly and a warm safe place to rest my head at night. Life is good. :)

I have learned a lot in the last couple years. Some tough lessons. Lessons we could all learn from. First and foremost ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!!!! Love yourself because sometimes YOU and your integrity are all you have. I've learned it doesn't matter what others think about you. If you can get up every morning and look yourself in the mirror and love the person staring're golden. It's taken me a long time and I'm still working at it but for the most part I'm pretty comfortable in my skin. I like my own company. I am a cool chick. Definitely a special kind of twisted!!! A little eccentric and unorthodox but certainly not boring or lacking in character. I don't need others to make me laugh because I can provide myself with hours of entertainment. have to be able to laugh at yourself OR others will do it for you. LOL

I'm passed the age of letting others dictate to me what my own self worth is or should be. I know without a doubt that I am a good person. A great person who wears many hats. I am a great Mother....daughter....friend.....lover....sister and wife. Yes, I said it. I WAS a great wife. Even tho my marriage fell apart and I couldn't tell you where he is today.....THAT is not my cross to bear. He left me. That hurt my ego for a long time. I changed everything he said made him unhappy in hopes of making it work. And even after I turned everything upsidedown and myself inside out HE still was not happy. They were his issues not mine and even as I type these words and know them to be true.....somedays I still get slapped in the face by my own insecurities that I WAS NOT ENOUGH. I wasn't pretty enough...skinny enough...attentive enough. UGH....its gross how much another person can affect you. Why did I beat myself up for his unhappiness. HE WAS NOT HAPPY.....but somehow I took all that on myself and carried it around as MY failure. It was not. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness except your own.

So, my friends....go out and find your happiness. Instead of trying to get people to like or love you by molding yourself into what you think THEY want. Go out and be the things you love and the people who are of like mind will automatically be drawn to you. Go out into that great and wonderful world and FILL YOUR BOOTS!!

I have come to realize in my *cough cough* older years that WOMEN ARE AWESOME!! I never appreciated women in my younger years. I was not interested in my nails...going to a salon....taking four other females to a bathroom with me....or having 50 pairs of shoes. I hung out with the boys. I liked my tee shirt and faded jeans.....field cars and motor bikes....getting dirty....riding around in the backs of trucks....hay rides...drinking around bonfires and my faithful runners or army boots. That was the carefree girl in me. As a woman, even tho I miss that girl I used to be....I have a better understanding and appreciation for women. Women offer up the biggest sacrifice.....their identity. We become so and so's and so's and so's daughter. For the sake of the family we give up jobs...opportunites....friends...and me time. Some of us lose our young toned bodies to our children and many a day take our own self loathing into the shower with us. I wear my stretch marks as a badge of honour now. Yes....I still long for my twenty something body. I miss the days of when I could eat anything and not gain an ounce. For the days that I got up out of bed and didn't crack and hurt. But nothing....and I mean NOTHING in this world feels better then when you hear your child say MOM...I LOVE YOU. Hang on tight to those moments because in the blink of an eye they are over. It seems like yesterday my girl was just a toddler. Now, she is grown into this amazing young woman.

Then on the opposite end of the spectrum we have the ones we call Mom and Dad. We are so busy growing up and raising families of our own that we forget our parents are growing old. Love your parents. As quickly as we see our children grow...our parents are also watching us age and their days quickly passing by. Take the time. Call them when you can. Visit even for a moment. Cherish the time you have with them.

Speaking of sacrifice. There are a few things in life we should never sacrifice. One is....never sacrifice your own integrity. STAND FIRM IN YOUR BELIEFS. Defend yourself. Even if it means you lose that shitty job or even that great job, that puppy dog puke love or that friend you thought would be there forever. Speak your truth. Even when your voice quivers....your throat constricts.....your knees knock....and you feel like your body is on fire....always...always stand your ground. Never sacrifice your own self worth. If they respect you, they will listen. If that someone wants to be a part of your life they will make the effort. If they aren't making the effort.....they are only making excuses. DITCH THEM. The other thing you should never sacrifice is....your friends. Be the kind of friend that you want to have. Some friends will come and go but even if its for a short time.....make it count.

While there are things we should never sacrifice or give up. There are things we should always give. And those things are equally important....always give your love, every chance you get. Your time whenever possible. Your shoulder to cry on. An ear to bend. Your arms to hug. Your hand to hold. And a smile to share.

So what have I learned in my 43 years?? I've learned that the most important things in life are simple and free. That nothing soothes the soul like the smell of fresh cut hay....walking barefoot on the beach....sitting around a crackling campfire.....a warm summer breeze at dusk or the sound of children laughing. I've learned that Family is everything. Friends are precious and children are only small for a short enjoy them. Do what you love and you'll love what you do. Laugh whenever possible, it is the best medicine. Life is way to short....EAT CAKE [and bacon....Edited for Brent Townsend]. Stop waiting for that special occasion....wear your sexy underwear. Not just for him....FOR YOU!! Buy fresh flowers and your favourite wine.

But most of all....