Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Can anyone explain addictions to me??? I think this has baffled me my whole life. My Dad was a raging alcoholic. I always wondered why he loved the bottle more then he loved us kids and mom. Its something that has bothered me my whole life. I did my experimenting as a teenager and was an acid head and smoked my fair share of weed and hash, dabbled in coke and tried mushrooms. I never much got into anything that I couldn't say no to. I drank and still enjoy going out and and getting silly with my friends. I'm not saying I'm an angel and if I don't have any obligations or responsibilities the next day I will still go out and have a good time with my girls. However this does not happen too often. I'd have to say the only thing I've ever been addicted to would be ciggies, sex and food. I've kicked the smokes and well I'm sorry the other two are what sustaines me!!!!!
Many times in my life I've been faced with problems with addictions....not addictions of my own but rather my friends and family's addictions. I don't understand it. It kind of makes me angry. I try to understand and just when I think I do understand I want to blurt out.....JUST SAY NO. Its that easy. I guess its not that easy. Alcohol in my opinion is the worst addiction because it is socially accepted....which in my opinion makes it that much more dangerous. A man that comes home after a hard days work and cracks a beer is not frowned upon...its almost his right to do this. I'm not saying its wrong either....I'm trying to understand. Where does that line start??? And when does it become a problem??
Right now I'm dealing with a friend who is a drug addict. And not the kind of drugs you're thinking. These are prescription drugs which in my opinion is like the booze. A doctor prescribed them so it must be ok. WRONG. I don't know what to do to help. I certainly don't want to be an enabler but I also don't want to push this person away if all she needs is help. Its gotten to the point where I'm not even sure I believe anything she's saying to me. It's always someones elses fault. I usually keep my nose out of things like this because its really none of my business unless its hurting or affecting me or my family. The problem is.....i love this person. I love her so much that it pains me to see this happening. I've been down this road before and I pretty much wrote this person off. She went from high on the mountain to the lowest of low in record time. Her personality and everything changed it was so awful. I called her a waste of skin and she always told me those words rang in her ears and actually helped her recover. Thats was years ago now.
Well I fear the past may be replaying itself and I'm scared. Maybe I should go to some addiction seminar or something cause I just can't understand. What makes a person an addict?? Is reality that bad??? i mean I've taken drugs before the high is awesome....i like to drink....but there's a time and a place for such things. and its usually when you're going out with friends to celebrate and have fun.....not for when you're sitting at home alone popping Gawd knows what. can anyone offer any suggestions??? Maybe because my Father was an alcoholic it just hits too close to home and I don't WANT to understand. My Dad was a good and decent man. He was so handsome and charming and fun. He had personality plus and would give you the shirt off his back. Til he got drinking. One or two drinks were fine but then it was let's drink til we can't talk. Let's drink til I'm not fit to live with cause I'm so mean. please don't think I'm judging....I'm not. It could have easily been me. There were times in my life where I could have fallen to the bottom of the bottle because what life was handing me was a basket of rotten apples.......but i think it was sheer stubborness that made it so I didn't. How is it some people can go out on weekends have the time of their life and come Monday never think of going out again til the next occasion?? and then others go out that same weekend and Monday morning are having a drink or a snort or a pill to get them motivated to move. I want to say its selfishness....I want to say they are weak.....I'd like to shake the crap outta them but I can't........because I don't know what they are going thru. Tell me....how do you stand beside someone like this without making it look like you think what they are doing is ok?? I do not condone this behaviour but know I still love you.